I Wish Davey Crockett was Fat

So it’s Opening Day 2014, and I can’t help but think of my good friend, Tony Mattera.

CCWe are both diehard Honeymooners fans. One of our favorite moments is when Ralph overhears Harvey Wohlstetter Sr. talking about how great Alice is. Not knowing that she is picking up babysitting money on the side, Ralph assumes the worst and thinks Alice is cheating with Harvey.

Dressed in his full Raccoon Lodge regalia, Ralph storms over to the Wohlstetter apartment, confronts Alice, and starts screaming into the bedroom for Harvey to come out.

“Come on out Harvey!!!!” he bellows. “I know you’re in there.”

raccoonInstead of Harvey Wohlstetter Sr., a half asleep Harvey Wholstetter Jr. comes out of the bedroom in his pajamas.

“What is that?” Ralph asks.

“Havey Wohlstetter Jr.,” Alice says, disgusted. “Proud of yourself Ralph? You woke him up.”

As Alice picks up Harvey Jr. to put him back in bed, Harvey looks over her shoulder, rubs his eyes, sees Ralph in his coon-skin cap and says, “Gee, I never knew Davey Crockett was so fat.”

So when Yankee pitcher C.C. Sabbathia put on weight, Tony took to calling him Davey Crockett.

Well, I wish Davey Crockett was fat. Because whenever the heafty hurler loses weight, he also loses his best stuff.

In 2013, C.C., scared by the death of a cousin at 45 from heart disease, showed up a svelte version of his former self to spring training. Sabbathia usually tips the scales at more than 300 pounds. He was well under 300 last year and turned in one of his worst sesaons.

Through August of last year, Sabathia had a 4.78 ERA in 152.2 innings over 23 starts, easily the worst season of his career. His average fastball velocity also dipped below 91 MPH for the first time since 2002. The 24 home runs he allowed were a career-high, surpassing the 22 surrendered in 2012.

IN fact, in a Star-Ledger column just before the start of the 2014 season, Sabbathia even blamed his poor performance last year on his weight loss.

“I didn’t know the weight loss was going to affect me that much,” he told the Newark, N.J. paper. “There were just some games that I was short. I didn’t have the stuff, you know. It was frustrating.”

This year, Sabbathia showed up to George Steinbrenner Field tipping the scales at 275 pounds. Tonight, Sabbathia opened the season for the Yanks against the lowly Houston Astros. As of this writing, top of the 8th in Minute Maid Park, the Astros were leading, 6-1.

So, like the headline says: I wish Davey Crockett was fat again.

About Mark Yost
Mark Yost is the author of the Rick Crane Noir series, published by Stay Thirsty Press. Rick Crane is the classic, anti-hero private eye in the spirit of Sam Spade and Jim Rockford. He works in the unmistakably noirish underworld of Upstate New York, running errands and fixing problems for Jimmy Ricchiati Sr., one of Upstate New York's most notorious crime bosses. But readers quickly learn that deep down, Rick Crane is one of the good guys. "Cooper's Daughter," the first book in the widely acclaimed series, is a fast-moving tale in which a heartbroken father comes to Rick and asks him to find out what really happened to his daughter, who was murdered and the details buried in the Unsolved Crimes File of the local police department. The second book in the series is "Jimmy's Nephew," which begins with the death of Joey "Boom Boom" Bonadeo, an up-and-coming boxer and the nephew of Rick's underworld boss. What starts out as a routine investigation turns into a case that will test Rick's faith -- in the Catholic Church and his fellow man. Book No. 3 in the series, "Mary's Fate" is due out in August 2015. Mark Yost also writes for The Wall Street Journal Arts in Review page, as well as the Book Review section. He is a member of the Mystery Writers of America -- Midwest Chapter, International Thriller Writers, and a number of other author groups. He is also a member of the Amazon Author's Program. Mark lives in the Loyola neighborhood of Chicago, but he and his son, George, call the Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn "home."

One Response to I Wish Davey Crockett was Fat

  1. Mark Wolfe says:

    Hey Yosty, just checking in. Was looking at your bio and your list of books and I see Varsity Green, and what that is about. What do you think of the news about college players unionizing? I guess I get their point of view, but I can’t see this as very good in the long run. What say you? Is this part of the corruption in college sports?

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